13 Years of Mostly Futility (but ultimately one beautiful victory) Condensed into one 60 minutes

It was 13 years between the Chargers' playoff victory over the Titans last Sunday and their prior postseason win, against the Steelers on Jan. 15, 1995. In that time, the Chargers have had 6 coaches and such luminaries as Craig Whelihan and Ryan Leaf as their starting quarterback. They experienced a glorious 1-15 season (but passed on drafting the dog killer with the first pick the next year, which really would have added to the ignominy). Another first overall pick refused to play for them, forcing them into a blockbuster deal that somehow still ended up as a great trade for them. And then the last four years, they have been pretty darn good. They're still getting bad breaks and choking, but at least a solid successful foundation has been laid. Maybe the playoff victory drought will only last one week. Maybe we can condense 13 years of wandering in the wilderness into one game, which will culminate in a victory. Here's what that game would look like.


Early in the game, the Chargers are shredded by an all-time great qb. They are bummed to be down Colt - 26, until they realize Colt isn't a point total like 49 is. Things continue poorly from their, until they are given second choice of whom to add to their team among anyone outside of the one particular playoff game. The Colts have first pick and add Manning (Eli), who played in college in the SEC. He's really awesome. The Chargers add Leaf (Brady), who played in college in the Pac-10. He's awful whenever he plays, is hated by teammates, and at halftime sneaks out to play flag football instead of joining in the team meeting in the locker room. Right before halftime, the Colts score 11 straight points and look like they're going to score 16 straight. However, kicker Nate Kaeding makes a 48 yard extra point to give the Chargers one point, but everyone in San Diego misses it when CBS cuts away from it to give a presidential election update. The Colts do go on to score the final 3 points before halftime.


Coming out of halftime, the Chargers still suck, so they're given a chance to add Darren McFadden to the team. They opt to keep running plays for Tomlinson instead. McFadden joins the Colts and is awesome for a few drives, but then kills a few of them with terrible turnovers. Ultimately, he's kicked out of the game for killing not drives but dogs. Still, the Chargers struggle, so they get to bring Eli Manning onto their team. Eli Manning refuses to join the Chargers, so instead the Chargers get to take Peyton Manning, Bob Sanders, and Adam Vinatieri. This seems to work out better for them than Eli would have. With Peyton Manning now on the team, Rivers suddenly starts playing much better and has a series of awesome drives. Unfortunately, Vinatieri misses a key field goal after one great drive, leading to great disappointment in San Diego. Another drive is sabotaged when the Chargers fumble several times and drop a couple of passes. On their next drive, the Colts luckily recover two fumbles and get the ball back when Marlon McCree fumbles an interception. It allows them to score a touchdown, prompting more stories on how their QB is a clutch god, even though THE CHARGERS GAVE HIM THE GAME!!!!!1ONE!1SINPI/2!1, er, I mean, drive, they gave him the drive.

At the end of the game, the Chargers have the ball on their own 20 with little time left, down 6 points. After three Tomlinson runs for -6 total yards, Rivers converts on fourth down with a long pass to Jackson. After another long completion to Chambers, Rivers hits Jackson for a 30 yard touchdown pass to ultimately win the playoff game.

Unfortunately, the victory means Norv Turner will keep his job.