Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Brady vs. Manning

If you'll forgive my indulgence for a moment, I'd like to do a brief compare and contrast of New England Patriots star quaterback Tom Brady to New York Giants quaterback Eli Manning. This should show us what we can expect from Sunday's big game. 

                        Tom Brady                 Eli Manning                  
Supermodel girlfriend ?   Yes                              No

Chosen for cologne ad
due to masculinity?        Yes                             No

Super Bowl Rings           3                                 0

Mouth Breather?           No                              Yes

Career QB Rating        92.9                             73.4

In a clearly jinxed ad
claiming to be
 "unstoppable?"                No                              Yes

Offseason 
hobbies?   Sees Gisele in Paris      "Antiquing with his mom and fiance"

People surprised 
at success?                       No                               Yes

Fashionable facial hair
and  cleft chin?        Yes                                No


So as much as I'd like it if the Giants were to pull out an incredible, earth shattering victory over the heavy favorite, God's team, The New England Patriots, when you look at the facts, it just doesn't look good for Eli and the Giants. Here's my prediction for Super Bowl XLII from University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona:

New England Patriots 28  New York Giants 17 

And lastly, before I go, here is today's tribute to the Philadelphia Eagles, and probably the greatest running back to ever play in the NFL, Brian Westbrook. He went to two schools with awesome names, DeMatha Catholic High School in Hyattsville, Maryland, and Villanova University. How cool is that. Not only were the school names cool, but how sweet must it be to grow up in a town named after a hotel chain? I'd want to live in a Hyatt for my formative years, wouldn't you? So thank you, Hyattsville, Maryland, for giving us a true American gem.                 

Wikipedia was used for both the Eli Manning quote, and the Brian Westbrook information.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Ideal Super Bowl

As a San Diego sports fan, I don't particularly care for the New England Patriots or the New York Giants (to put it diplomatically). For two straight years, the Patriots have ended the Chargers' season; last year it was the most gut-wrenching loss I have ever witnessed (at least until October of this year). This year it was just a garden variety, your quarterback has no ACL, your star running back can't play, your best receiving threat can barely jog, close loss. Tom Brady is one of the most overrated players in the game today. He is not the best quarterback in the league; Peyton Manning is. When Brady puts up Manning-esque numbers for more than one year, then we can have a discussion. Brady gets a ton of credit for winning Super Bowls because he had a better defense than Manning did. Apparently a handful of good drives, leveraged in the proper place, outweigh the hundreds or thousands of drive that give a much better measure of talent. The Patriots also have an annoying habit of claiming to be the underdog and like most champions have been crowned as morally superior (you know, they're the only team to really buy into the concept of team, it's not about any one player, etc., etc.).

The Giants' starting quarterback is one Eli Manning, who refused to play for the Chargers when they drafted him first overall in 2004. Fortunately, everything worked out beautifully for the Chargers, but I will still root against the guy who was too good to come play for my favorite team. Plus, Tom Coughlin gets a few celebratory articles for being a disciplinarian, yet the Giants have perpetually been among the most penalized teams in the league. Plus, they're not very good this year. It sends a bad message when not very good teams win championships. Tangent: that's one of the good features of the BCS: the tenth best team in the game will never win the championship. Ok, well maybe it will because of the difficulty in comparing results against such disparate schedules, but the point is, if the BCS were applied to football, the fifth best team in the weaker conference would never have a shot at winning the title.

So I don't particularly care for either team. This was probably the Super Bowl matchup I would have liked the least out of all possible matchups at the start of the playoffs. Yet here are two scenarios that would make me happy, the first in a Giant victory, the second in a Patriot victory.

Pleasant Giant Victory Scenario
Eli Manning, world's greatest mouth breather, develops frostbite in his teeth while in New York because he refuses to just breath through his nose. He'll be completely fine, but he is in no condition to compete in the Super Bowl. Anthony Wright misses Plaxico Burress by 20 yards to the left in warmups, hitting Vince Wilfork who's warming up on the Patriot sideline. Wilfork comes over and pokes Wright in the eye through his facemask. Tom Coughlin is worried that Wright will be intimidated, and also realizes that Wright sucks, so he puts in 6'4'', 285 lb. Jared Lorenzen to start the game. The Pillsbury Throwboy compiles 300 yards passing in a high scoring shootout. Tom Brady is terrible, but Brandon Jacobs keeps fumbling the ball and Junior Seau keeps returning the fumbles for touchdowns. With 4 seconds left and down by 4, the Giants have the ball on the Patriots 40 yard line. Lorenzen drops back for the Hail Mary pass, but the pocket collapses immediately, and he's forced to run for his life. He gets 10 yards before bulldozing Rodney Harrison. Wilfork and Seymour converge on him, but he pinballs off both of them, and they collide with each other. Lorenzen stumbles on. He reaches the 5, where Vrabel and Bruschi both dive at him. Lorenzen takes an epic leap, diving for the end zone. He lands at the 4. But then he starts rolling and doesn't stop until the ball has crossed the plane of the end zone, right before he's touched down by Vrabel. Touchdown, Giants! Giants win! Jared Lorenzen is the hero.

Pleasant Patriot Victory Scenario
As Tom Brady warms up for the Super Bowl, he gets a desperate call from Gisele saying that she is breaking up with him to be with Peyton Manning. Brady immediately sprints out of the stadium, chartering a private jet to fly him to Gisele to see if he can persuade her to change her mind. He gets to her, but discovers it was all just a plot by Peyton to help his brother win the Super Bowl. While Brady is gone, Matt Cassel admirably steps in and leads the Patriots to a 55-0 victory. Cassel is named Super Bowl MVP and is lauded across the land for his cool, clutch play. He is named People's Sexiest Man Alive and does photo shoots with a goat. Girls everywhere swoon over him. When Brady is relegated to second string, Gisele dumps him and goes after Peyton Manning.

And in either scenario, everyone lives happily ever after.

Friday, January 25, 2008

I Feel Obligated

The very definition of Sage is:

"A wise man; a man of gravity and wisdom; especially, a man venerable for years, and of sound judgment and prudence; a grave philosopher".


This is a difficult title to live up to. But here goes. Has anyone noticed the loud, silence in San Diego Sports this week. The Chargers are off to their winter escapes and the Padres are still packing their unmentionables for Spring Training. There is no time like to present, to wax poetic regarding the hopes and dreams of this Sage.

Hope: Dodgers actually perform to their talent level.

Dream: Dodgers win it all!

Hope: The Dodgers finish ahead of The Padres

Dream: Weathers is actually intellectually honest about The Padres.

Hope: Steroids are finally weeded out of Baseball!

Dream: Baseball stats from the mid 90's to the mid 00's have an *

Hope: Clemens and Bonds finally retire to whatever cow pasture they came from.

Dream: The Yankees payroll dips to under 1 Trillion.

And finally for now:

Hope: A great, competitive, fun, Baseball season on the field and in Fantasy Cyberspace.

Dream: Play in 200 leagues and have every player, on every team, on at least one of my Fantasy Teams.


Today's Vocabulary word is: Cerumen


Hint: ________ would make it very hard to hear a Baseball game.

Out for now!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Switching Gears

First of all, I would like to welcome you all to the newly redesigned Hot Ham Water. Let us know what you think, any constructive criticism, or adoring praise is always welcome.


Secondly, after the Chargers devastating loss to the Patriots, I have now become the biggest New York Giants fan in the western United States. Eli Manning is without a doubt going to be much better than Peyton. And he won't make any crucial mistakes against the Patriots that will most likely cost the Giants the Super Bowl. Definitely not. Anyway, enough football for now.

As the upcoming baseball season is rapidly approaching, I have decided to post my rankings of fantasy baseball players by position. As this is very early in the process, I reserve the right to change or otherwise update these rankings as we progress through spring training. Seeing as the entire list all at once is massive and most likely ultimately confusing, I'm going to break it up into segments. Today will be Catchers and First Basemen, followed by Second Basemen and Shortstops at a later date, and so on. So without any further ado, Hot Ham Water is proud to present a Filliam H. Muffman production of an Ian Miller film,


The 2008 Fantasy Baseball Rankings
Catchers
  1. Victor Martinez
  2. Russell Martin
  3. Brian McCann
  4. Joe Mauer
  5. Jorge Posada
  6. Kenji Johjima
  7. Benji Molina
  8. Jarod Saltalamacchia
  9. Ivan Rodriguez
  10. Ryan Doumit
  11. Ramon Hernandez
  12. Jason Varitek
  13. Chris Snyder
  14. A.J. Pierzynksi
  15. Paul LoDuca
  16. Ronny Paulino
  17. Geovany Soto
  18. Kurt Suzuki
  19. John Buck
  20. Miguel Montero
  21. Michael Barrett
  22. Mike Napoli
  23. Josh Bard
  24. Yadier Molina
  25. Dioner Navarro
First Basemen
  1. Albert Pujols
  2. Ryan Howard
  3. Prince Fielder
  4. Mark Teixeira
  5. Lance Berkman
  6. Adrian Gonzalez
  7. Justin Morneau
  8. Derrek Lee
  9. Paul Konerko
  10. Carlos Pena
  11. James Loney
  12. Nick Swisher
  13. Todd Helton
  14. Kevin Youkilis
  15. Casey Kotchman
  16. Conor Jackson
  17. Ryan Garko
  18. Adam LaRoche
  19. Carlos Delgado
  20. Lyle Overbay
  21. Mike Jacobs
  22. Aubrey Huff
  23. Richie Sexson
  24. Ben Broussard
  25. Joey Votto
Well there ya have it folks, it begins. As I said, constructive criticism and adoring praise are always welcome. Hopefully using my rankings you'll win your fantasy leagues, unless of course you're playing me, and then you can finish a close second. Mazaltov.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

If I Had A Nickle For Every Blown Call

Weathers has made some valid points regarding the poor officiating in the Chargers playoff games. Blown calls, no calls, phantom calls were rampant. Here is the problem, this type of horrible officiating has gone on since the dawn of sports. The Chargers played a valiant game. Injuries and poor coaching had as much, or more to do with the loss then myopic officiating. If one wishes to view a case study of bad calls look at the, REFEREE FIXED, Suns VS San Antonio playoff series. What a joke! Major sports are truly on the edge of ruin. Steroids, overpaid mediocre players, cheating officials, ridiculous seat prices, and a general mentality of "WE ARE ABOVE THE LAW" spell big trouble. Add the stock market, with more blood then Johnny Depp spills in Sweeney Todd, and you have big, negative, economic potential for sports. I love Baseball, enjoy Football and tolerate Basketball and I for one am very worried about the future of "the game".

Back to San Diego and lighter notes. Watch as spring training unfolds. I predict The Padres will sign a partial, or full retread to fill a gaping hole on the team. Said retread will do a yeoman's job of leading the "Pads" in OBP, when a lefty is pitching, after the 6th inning, in weather of less then 69 degrees, on the road, east of the Mississippi. Another meaningless stat brought to you by your San Diego Padres.

Enough for now, I do not want to tax your gray matter so early in the day.

Today's Vocabulary word is: Vulcanization.

Now you Star Trek fans relax I am not disparaging Spock.

__________has revolutionized Hockey.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Another complaint

On Rivers' first interception, he was falling down as he threw because Mike Vrabel whipped his leg into Rivers as he was falling down past him. This is in fact a penalty. That would have been nice to get it called, as it would have negated the pick and given the Chargers a first down. Go to www.nfl.com/videos and find the Asante Samuel pick to see it. (Alternately, go here, watch the video where they highlight the leg whip at 3:45 in.) So, yes, a correct call would have been a pleasant surprise, because it was definitely that leg whip that caused the interception and fundamentally altered the game.

Further Musings

As an addendum to Ben's post, I would like to submit for your review the following post game quote from Norv "I am terrible" Turner regarding his game ending decision to punt from the New England 37 yard line with 9 minutes left to play: "Fourth and 10? Because, again, as I said, they had a pressure package, they came off the edge, they got us on third-and-10, we made the decision with nine minutes - we had the ball against Tennessee (during the regular season) down 14 points with 10 minutes and scored twice."1 This, folks, is why Norvall will not win our Bolts a Super Bowl. I'd like to break this down for a few minutes, if I may...

Now I don't pretend to be a football play calling expert, but I believe I've watched enough to know a few things. Norvall said that the Patriots were bringing pressure, and coming off the edge. Now if you knew this, then there should have been a readily apparent play call there. A screen. When the defense brings pressure, you call a screen. Not that hard to figure out. The Chargers are lucky enough to have one of the faster players in the NFL in Darren Sproles. Give him the ball in space, and let him run. Now the argument could be made, "well, on fourth down you shouldn't throw a pass shorter than 10 yards." Fair enough. Send Vincent Jackson and Chris Chambers on 12 yard out routes and Antonio Gates 12 yards down the middle of the field. It takes them what, 3 seconds to go 12 yards? If you can't protect your quarterback for 3 seconds, you don't deserve to win the game. Now you have three options beyond the first down line. Instead Norvall (if you'll permit a blackjack reference) stayed on 16 with the dealer showing 10, and punted.

Now for the second part of his multi-faceted idiocy-laced quote. "...we had the ball against Tennessee (during the regular season) down 14 points with 10 minutes and scored twice." First of all, Norvy compared the AFC Championship game against the New England Patriots, God's Team, possibly the greatest team in NFL history, to a regular season contest against the Tennessee Titans and their 21st ranked offense. There's so much wrong with this, I don't even know where to start. To coach the AFC Championship game the same way you would coach a regular season game is funny to begin with, and then to compare the Titans (!!!!111!!!) to the Patriots is pure hilarity. As the people who I watched the game with can attest to, as soon as I saw the punt I said "they're not going to get the ball back." And what do you know, they didn't. The Patriots are a professional football team. They know how to do everything well. They are well coached, they execute well, and with the punt they had all the momentum. How did Norvall think they were going to give the ball back to the Chargers not once, but twice, in a 9 minute span?

When you combine the obvious stupidity of his quote with the two blown red-zone timeouts that Ben mentioned, and the other wasted timeout late in the 4th quarter when the Chargers defense was caught out of position even after the Patriots went into a huddle (another mark of bad coaching...), you can see how Norv Turner is not a Super Bowl caliber head coach. His tenure is already reminiscent of Steve Lavin's years as UCLA Men's Basketball coach. High quality, extremely talented players, baffling losses, shocking wins, and the ability to get close (sweet 16 every year for Lavin, AFC Championship game for Norv) and then have all of the coaching mistakes show themselves in a disappointing loss. But of course, Norv, like Lavin did for quite a few years, did enough to save his job. For now. As a Chargers fan, one can only hope he decides to spend more time with his family, because as long as he continues to have teams be good and not great, his buddy A.J. will never fire him. And the less-informed of the Chargers fan base won't care.

1 North County Times -1/21/08

Musings on the game

I suppose if the Chargers had to lose today, that was a good way to go. Brady had a bad game; Rivers valiantly battled on his injured knees; the Bolts played the Pats very evenly. The Chargers were outgained by 36 yards but got one more turnover, and the Patriots also had the only fumble of the game, which they recovered. The Chargers had too many 40 yard drives with field goals or short punts, while the Patriots wisely had either short drives or long touchdown drives. Health was probably the difference in the game. A healthy Rivers could have moved around a little better in the pocket on some of those red zone pass attempts, and a healthy Gates would have been a great red zone target. A completely healthy Jamal Williams maybe limits the Patriots' rushing success in the second half. It was a good game played by both sides, particularly both defenses, and the Patriots did deserve to advance (unlike last year, when the Chargers roundly outplayed them). A great day was had by Quentin Jammer bumping receivers at the line, making the great interception, and deflecting at least one key third down pass attempt. The secondary in general played very well, and the pass rush was solid as well. Rivers played well considering the extent of his injury, and Chris Chambers and Vincent Jackson were both excellent again (with the notable exception of Chambers' play on the first interception).

On less optimistic, more whiny note, Norv Turner continues to not be a very good head coach. In both halves, an early timeout was burned in the red zone, and the resulting play was unsuccessful and ugly. The decision to punt with 9 minutes left inside the Patriot 40 yard line effectively ended the game, even before the Patriots ran the remaining time off the clock. He called a few too many runs right up the gut on first down for minimal gain and not enough short passes designed to put the team in favorable second and short situations. At least there weren't any delay of game, false start, or too many men in the huddle penalties today.

Continuing the whining theme, officials need to start calling holding. I wasn't watching the Chargers' line as intently as I was watching the Patriots', so I can't tell whether or not the Chargers were taking advantage of the officials' leniency as much as the Patriots were, but the number of uncalled holds was ridiculous. Several 10+ gains on wide receiver screens and an end around were set up by holding or blocks in the back by the wide receivers. This issue isn't specific to this particular game though, as throughout the playoffs the refs have been ignoring holds. David Garrard's long run to set up the game winning field goal in Pittsburgh was set up by an obvious hold. So, yes, refs should start calling holds. That would have been helpful for the Chargers' defense today. Whether it would have been the same amount helpful to the Patriots' defense, I cannot say.

Overall, it was a good game. There's always next year. Hopefully next year they can reach the playoffs and face the best teams in the league with their three best players (Rivers, Tomlinson, Gates) healthy.

A postscript: I blame myself for the loss, as I forgot to compose tv network signs for this game. They clearly were the good luck charm that carried them to the win over Indianapolis.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Death of the Glow

It's Friday now, so I can move on past the glow and acknowledge the inevitable: the Chargers are in serious trouble against New England. With a completely healthy offense and excellent play-calling, they could engage in a shootout and maybe win with a couple of sacks of Brady and generated turnovers. But Rivers, Tomlinson, and Gates were going to be beat up when they played, in a best case scenario. Now Rivers is listed as doubtful, and the Union Tribune is reporting that Rivers has a partially torn ACL. Gates is also listed as doubtful. The Chargers can't hope to come out throwing and outgun the Patriots with Billy Volek running the show, throwing to Brandon Manumaleuna (as awesome as he is).

It's not looking good. It's going to take a miracle.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Evidence of Productivity

So here's me and Ben's evidence of productivity from being in Big Bear. The list of top 100 fantasy baseball players. Well mostly my list, seeing as Ben may disagree on some points. But I digress. ANYWAY! Enjoy! Win your fantasy baseball leagues!



1. Alex Rodriguez

2. Hanley Ramirez

3. Jose Reyes

4. David Wright

5. Albert Pujols

6. Chase Utley

7. Miguel Cabrera

8. Jimmy Rollins

9. Matt Holliday

10. Ryan Howard

11. Jake Peavy

12. Prince Fielder

13. Grady Sizemore

14. David Ortiz

15. Johan Santana

16. Ryan Braun

17. Mark Teixeira

18. Carl Crawford

19. Alfonso Soriano

20. B.J. Upton

21. Vladimir Guerrero

22. Carlos Beltran

23. Alex Rios

24. Brandon Phillips

25. Jonathon Papelbon

26. Josh Beckett

27. Brandon Webb

28. Lance Berkman

29. Manny Ramirez

30. C.C. Sabathia

31. Erik Bedard

32. Ichiro Suzuki

33. Magglio Ordonez

34. Justin Verlander

35. Robinson Cano

36. Carlos Lee

37. Francisco Rodriguez

38. J.J. Putz

39. Victor Martinez

40. Curtis Granderson

41. Lance Berkman

42. Travis Hafner

43. Cole Hamels

44. Adrian Gonzalez

45. Garrett Atkins

46. Troy Tulowitzki

47. Roy Halladay

48. Dan Haren

49. Justin Morneau

50. Felix Hernandez

51. Chris B. Young

52. Nick Markakis

53. Derek Jeter

54. Derek Lee

55. Adam Dunn

56. Russell Martin

57. Aramis Ramirez

58. Brian Roberts

59. Carlos Zambrano

60. Joe Nathan

61. Hunter Pance

62. Roy Oswalt

63. John Lackey

64. Torii Hunter

65. Eric Byrnes

66. Ryan Zimmerman

67. Ian Kinsler

68. Fausto Carmona

69. Scott Kazmir

70. Joe Mauer

71. Takashi Saito

72. Mariano Rivera

73. Dan Uggla

74. Vernon Wells

75. Brad Penny

76. Brett Myers

77. Jeff Francouer

78. Paul Konerko

79. Aaron Harang

80. Kelvim Escobar

81. Brad Hawpe

82. Huston Street

83. Rickie Weeks

84. Jose Valverde

85. Carlos Pena

86. Michael Young

87. Daisuke Matsuzaka

88. Jered Weaver

89. Ben Sheets

90. Carlos Guillen

91. Delmon Young

92. Bobby Abreu

93. Corey Hart

94. TIm Lincecum

95. Chad Billingsley

96. Matt Cain

97. James Loney

98. Brian McCann

99. Francisco Liriano

100. Miguel Tejada


More to come later...


So to you, "Sage," I say, trade me Nathan for Bonderman and Escobar. He's not even in the top 50.


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The San Diego Phenomenon

San Diego is so blessed, great weather, great scenery and a great amount of recreation available. So what is the problem? The surf enhanced, Ear filled with water populous, just can't seem to WIN ANYTHING! San Diego has what zero championships. Now this writer is not a San Diego sports fan, but I am an erudite observer of the obvious. San Diego just stinks at Sports. Oh The Padres get to the playoffs here and there and even a World Series twice, but zero results! The Chargers have made it to the big dance once. However they were up against a team that CLOSELY resembles the Cheating Billichecks. So again the Chargers face a juggernaut next week. A video enhanced, behemoth of a team. San Diego will of course lose, because Rivers, LT and Gates are gimpy at best. A new off season will begin, one filled with hope and promise.

At least Baseball is nigh. My Dodgers are coming soon! I just can't wait for the beautiful sky blue boys of summer, to start buzz sawing through, the inferior, poor, step child which are the Padres. Torre's crew should make short work of the National League West. I do feel bad for the so oft disappointed San Diego Sports fan. However feelings cannot pollute my inner Dodger Fan being. Anyway I am sure there will be much banter from Weathers and his ilk regarding the Dodgers-Padres Baseball Battles this season. To Weathers I say bring it on, I am ready!

Today's vocabulary word is: Prestidigitation

Hint!

Joe Torre has much ________ up his sleeve.

Even I will wish the Bolts much electricity this weekend.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Still basking in the glow - and basking in the glow of all the previous failures

It's far too early to look ahead to the upcoming steamrolling the Chargers are going to receive from the Patriots. Wednesday through Saturday will bring plenty of time for that. For now, I'd like to continue to bask in the glow of the Chargers victory over the Colts yesterday. I still cannot believe they pulled it out. San Diego sports teams have a glorious history of choking in the clutch, of getting screwed by the officials and lady luck but failing to rise above those challenges and persevere to victory. Ok, maybe they don't have a particularly glorious history of that, but the last few years have been pretty brutal in those regards. To recap:

A (recent) history of violent failure
In 1998, the Padres reached the World Series. In Game 1, they reached the bottom of the seventh in Yankee Stadium with a 5-2 lead. A Knoblauch homer tied the game, and with two outs and the bases loaded in the 5-5 game, Tino Martinez stepped to the plate against Mark Langston. They reached a 2-2 count, and Langston threw a fastball over the outside corner. It was clearly a strike. Langston knew it was a strike. The NY Times describes the Yankees bench as having gone quiet because they knew it was a strike. And yet somehow, it was a ball to Rich Garcia. Martinez homered on the next pitch, and the World Series was over for the Padres.

Time elapsed, and the Padres and Chargers mainly sucked too much to choke in key situations. Finally, in 2004 the Chargers returned to the playoffs. Drew Brees led a great fourth quarter comeback that ended in a touchdown to tie the game. It was aided by a roughing the quarterback call on the Jets on a fourth down failure that would have ended the game, but that was pretty clearly the correct call. The defender had driven his arm into Brees' helmet; you're not allowed to do that. In overtime, the Chargers got the ball and drove down the field for what should have been a routine field goal. Nate Kaeding pushed his 40 yard attempt wide right, and the Jets responded to their second chance by driving down the field to make their own game winning field goal.

The Padres made the playoffs in 2005 and 2006, yet did nothing either time. At least they finally managed to win a game in 2006 against a bad Cardinals team that they should have easily taken the series against. Instead, they lost in four games. The Chargers also made the playoffs in 2006 after a dominating season in which they finished 14-2. In one of history's all time epic choke jobs, they lost to a clearly inferior Patriots team 24-21 after: five fumbles in the game, all recovered by the Patriots; one solid drive by the Patriots all game, occurring right before half time when Wade Phillips made the incredible decision to play a prevent defense with plenty of time left on the clock; an interception of Brady late in the fourth quarter with an 8 point lead; a subsequent fumble back to the Patriots on the return of that interception; numerous dropped passes throughout; going for it on fourth and 11 instead of kicking a long but very makeable field goal; a stupid personal foul penalty committed by Drayton Florence, giving the Patriots an easy field goal when a sack had pushed them back out of range; a 54 yard field goal attempted with 8 seconds left (plenty of time left to run a play to gain 5 more yards to make the field goal much easier). Yes, that was a bad game.

In 2007, the Padres put together a good season and were a win or a Rockies loss away from clinching a playoff spot with two games to go. They were one strike away from beating the Brewers, but Tony Gwynn, Jr. tripled off of a Trevor Hoffman changeup and the Brewers ultimately won the game. They defeated the Padres the next day, and the D-Backs rolled over and gave their final two games to the Rockies, leading to a one game playoff in Colorado for the wild card. The Padres and Rockies played the best baseball game I've seen, a back and forth battle that lasted 13 innings. Special commendation should be given to Heath Bell, who pitched a season high 2 2/3 innings with 5 k's and no hits allowed. He entered with runners on first and second and one out in the seventh innning and struck out Ryan Spilborghs and Yorvit Torrealba to end the threat. In the 13th, Scott Hairston struck a two run homer, scoring Brian Giles (who had worked a walk), and the Padres looked headed to the playoffs yet again. They just needed three outs from the second greatest closer of all time. Yeah, those outs never came, though. Well, one of them did. A second one should have. But instead, the umpire ruled Holliday safe, despite him never touching home plate, and instead of a tie game with two outs and a runner of first, the game was over and the Rockies had won. So yeah, that was kind of a tough loss to take.

The Chargers game Sunday seemed to be imitating the Padres game against the Rockies. San Diego's best player (Peavy, Tomlinson) had a so-so game and was out of it at about the halfway mark. Their most important player down the stretch (Bradley, Rivers) was hurt for the most important part of the season (the last week of it for Bradley, the fourth quarter for Rivers). A huge call went against them (the play at the plate for the Padres, the interception return for a touchdown called back on a phantom hold for the Chargers). The backup to the most important player (Hairston, Rivers) accounted for the go-ahead scores (Hairston's homer, Volek's qb sneak). I was fully expecting David Binn (the longest tenured Charger) to snap the ball over Mike Scifres' head on the Chargers' last punt of the game, mirroring how Hoffman (the longest tenured Padre) had blown the Rockies game. Instead, Binn was clutch, delivering a beautiful snap, allowing Scifres to get off a booming kick, and sprinting down the field to make the tackle on the returner.

So somehow the Chargers held on and won, defying 10 years of San Diego postseason tradition. And it was glorious. If only previous San Diego athletes had been more like David Binn.

Disclaimer: I'm not really as bitter about these moments as I appear, except perhaps at Rich Garcia. I also don't believe in clutch as an ability - studies have shown that in baseball performing better in the clutch is a very small and unimportant skill. The best clutch players are the best players in every other situation.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Playoff Scenarios

Alright, since it's 10:45pm on a Sunday, I decided to do a little analyzation of the challenge facing the Chargers. 

Sunday: The Patriots. Without Philip Rivers, the Chargers have absolutely no chance. Billy Volek had a pretty good second half of a season with the Titans a few years back, but he is clearly a backup, and he deserves to remain one. He did lead the Chargers game winning drive against the Colts, but the best case for Volek is a game manager, and the worst case is well, a complete and utter disaster possibly involving his death at the hands of a very upset Chargers fan from National City. Believe it or not, Rivers is the key to the Chargers chances against the Pats, they need him even more than they need LT. (Side Note: Everyone else see Rivers trash talking with a fan? How awesome would it be to be a random guy who gets an NFL Quarterback worth multi-millions of dollars to argue with them? God I wish I was rich and could sit down on the field...) They can win playing Michael Turner and Darren Sproles, but not with Billy Volek. And if LT, Gates, AND Rivers are all out against the Pats, this could be possibly the biggest blowout in playoff history.  Let's hope that doesn't happen. Since it is only Sunday night and we will not be sure about the Chargers three headed monster until later in the week, I have to make two predictions for the Chargers-Pats game on Sunday. 

With LT-Gates-Rivers: Chargers 24 Patriots 34

Without LT-Gates-Rivers: Chargers 7 Patriots 41

As for the NFC, we have a match up of the AARP and the Baby Gap. Brett "I eat cheese three meals a day" Favre, and Eli "I'm a mouth breather" Manning. Packers-Giants. There is almost no chance the Packers lose this game in Lambeau. Not only is Eli on the road once again, but the high temperature in Green Bay on Sunday is supposed to be 13 degrees. 13. At kickoff the temperature is supposed to be 7. With 9mph winds. I'm guessing there will be a focus on the running game for both teams. As evidenced by Ryan Grant's 207 yard performance against the Seahawks, the Packers seem to have an advantage over the Giants. Throw in home field advantage, massive amounts of emotion, and Eli on the road (he can't keep winning, he just can't), it seems destiny that Favre will be back in the Super Bowl. 

Giants: 21 Packers 28

So by my count, the Super Bowl should wind up being Packers-Patriots, which will inevitably end in a Patriots blowout victory. However, in the hopes that the Chargers win, I will not make my Super Bowl prediction yet. Let's hope the Lampost Pizza crowd noise has as big of an effect on the offense as it did tonight against Peyton "You Feel Me" Manning. Raise your hand if you think Norvall Turner can lead us to victory! 

And in closing, ladies and gents, I'd like to point out just how awesome a player Donovan McNabb is. First of all, he was born in November. And in Chicago. You have to be crazy to be born in Chicago that time of year...It's cold. Second of all, he attended Mt. Carmel High School in Chicago. That's crazy, cause there is a Mt. Carmel High School in San Diego! He also played football at Syracuse University, how many great football players went to Syracuse? He has the Big East record for touchdown passes, touchdowns responsible for, passing yards, total offensive yards and total offensive plays. In 2004 he had 31 touchdowns and 8 interceptions, a 104.7 passer rating, and led the Eagles to the Super Bowl against the Evil Bellicheck's. But more importantly, he married his college sweetheart, had a child in 2004 and lives in Chandler, Arizona, my place of residence from 2005-2007. Way to be Donovan McNabb. I'm going to have to buy your jersey. 

(P.S. I have an ulterior motive for doing this. Trust me.)

What A Day For The NFL

Hello faithful. Can you believe that Charger game today? The Chargers were reminiscent of the Superbowl bound 1994 squad. Could it be possible that the Bolts will defeat the Cheating Billichecks? Perhaps! I spent the day with friends and family watching 200 hours of 300 lb men hit each other, what utter joy. Weathers of this blog was amazed by Billy (who are you) Volek, pulling a Tom Brady in the 4Th Quarter. Good times. Now on to the Gigantes vs America's team. Choke, choke, choke for the Cowgirls today. What is the over under on JJ firing Wade Phillips, maybe 6 days? Looking at Saturdays games, The Pack is BACK BIG TIME!!! favre looks like he is 25 and just hitting his stride. What can I say about the Cheating Billichecks win yesterday.......YAWN, YAWN another billicheck Spawn. Has anyone noticed the rhymes in the last two lines? Really fine! Well back to earth, next week we will be down to two teams, you heard it here first friends: The Stupor Bowl will be Chargers vs Green Bay.

Today's vocabulary word is: Oxymoron


Hint: An________would be Microsoft Works

This link is too funny not to post: http://www.oxymorons.com/oxymorons.html

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Carl Weathers Withers

Now when and old, experienced, knowledgeable, quality, intelligent, learned, sage, makes a statement you yungins need to heed his words! I notice no retort from Mr. Weathers regarding the average Padre fans persona. Cat got your tongue? I agree on Pierre. Shout out to any GM: Pierre for your #4 outfielder and an option on 100 hours of Bonds "Community Service". The Padres will finish behind the Dodgers this year. Yep you heard it here first friends. The Padres win 77-80 games.

The reason the KOOOOOOOOOOOOZZZZZZZZZZZZ trade worked out for the Kirin Ichiban-California Rolls is that Barfield regressed BIG TIME. Why I do not know, perhaps he was a Balco boy too. As to the Bucholtz trade offer: The deal was very close. It came down to my belief that you do not trade a guy who hit .344 and has 25 HR and 15 SB ability for a SS that is a Dustin Pedroia clone. Great on field but so-so for Fantasy. In addition a guy that hits in the .230's has to show me that he can hit MLB Pitching for at least a .260 Ave before I jump on his train(see Dave Kingman with a few SB and less power). Tullo is the Bomb! regarding Garza, he escapes one of the worst offenses in history, for a decent, young, upstart TB team. True Bucholtz seems to be the better arm and talent. But that + nowhere, in any world, equals the gulf created by Yuniel-Kemp. Enough Said.

Today's vocabulary word is: Gunite


Hint: _______ will be poured this week by a Padres fan who will not wear a shirt, BUT SHOULD!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Great poster ideas for the Colts-Chargers game

Everyone loves the people that come to games with their hand-made signs spelling out the station that the game is on in a clever acronym. It's apparently a great way to get yourself on tv, because tv loves creative original works like these signs. Here are some good ones to employ this week for the Chargers-Colts game.

Chargers
Be
Superbowl bound (or just generally super)

Manning
Never
Beats the
Chargers - or at least he doesn't most of the time

can't Escape
Shaun
Phillips
caN you, peyton manning

Freaking chargers
Outrunning
X-rays

Chargers
Never lose to
Nobody!

America
Melts
at the sight of the Chargers

Superbowl
Under
Neath
Dead
Apples
Near
Chargers
Excellence

Every
conteSt
Pitting the chargers against the colts
eNds with the chargers winning by
2

Tomlinson
Lurks,
Colts beware

Tomlinson
Eats
Love
Every
Morning
Unless
Nobody
Does
Origami

Thanks to Justin for the idea and to David for some great sign ideas.

Baseball!!!!1!one!

It would be highly presumptuous of me to think anyone would actually wade through the War and Peace-esque (in length only, of course) post I just submitted, so I'm going to contribute something readable. Plus I'm really bored on a Friday night because somebody doesn't want to go see There Will Be Blood. So: 5 things that will happen in baseball this year, a rebuttal.

1. Juan Pierre will contribute 700 glorious plate appearances to the Los Angeles Dodgers while playing a wonderfully decent left field. He'll make an out in 476 of them. Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier will start the season platooning in right field, until they get off to a slow start in their first two games. They're given to the Marlins, along with $8 million; in return the Dodgers get Luis Gonzalez back.

2. For the fourth straight year, the Padres and their penny pinchin' ways will finish ahead of the Dodgers, fueled by a healthy Randy Wolf (cut loose from the Dodgers last year) and Mark Prior. Kevin Kouzmanoff will continue to prove anyone who judged the trade a win for the Indians last year in May (cough, Emerson, cough) completely wrong by hitting .300 with 25 homers. Something good will finally happen in the postseason for San Diego fans for the first time since Sterling Hitchcock roamed the Qualcomm Stadium mound.

3. Sorry, Cubs, next year became this year 11 days ago. Except that the Cubs are actually the best team in a terrible NL Central, so they'll reach October with a 1 in 8 chance at making their fans 1000 times more annoying.

4. The Boston Yankees and New York Red Sox (or is it the other way around, I don't really know anymore because they're basically the same team - oh snap!) will both miss the playoffs as Toronto will rally by them on the backs of an incredible pitching staff. In all seriousness, look at the Jays staff, it's really, really good. The Rays claim the wildcard when their Wade Davis and Jake McGee and David Price and Evan Longoria and Desmond Jennings (ok, he's too much of a stretch even if he is a great prospect) and Jeff Niemann are all ready much sooner than expected. A 6 year Tampa Bay dynasty is begun. Even in defeat, Buchholz wins 18 games with a 3.2 ERA, proving that yes, he is way better than Matt Garza (who is mostly just average, in contrast to all the other great young Tampa pitchers), and yes, Buchholz, Chris Young (the short one), and Yunel Escobar is a better package than Tulowitzki, Kemp, and Garza.

5. Barry Bonds signs with the Oakland A's to "mentor" their young players. Carlos Gonzalez suddenly develops 60 homer power, Brett Anderson breaks Mike Piazza's bat tossing him BP, then picks it up and throws it at him, and Eric Chavez actually stays healthy for the entire year.

Looks like it's going to be an exciting year in baseball.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Fantasy Fantasy Team

I know one of the cardinal rules of sports discussion, whether online or in the flesh, is "don't talk about your fantasy team". No one besides you cares. Presumably this rule would hold even more true for fake fantasy teams, where you participate in a mock draft in January because football is only played once a week and you are bored out of your skull, near tears begging for it to be April again, because, darn it, you miss baseball. Ahem. Yes, fantasy baseball, and the no-no about talking about it. However, since no one reads this blog anyway, and I'm just writing it for fun and to give myself a place to ramble on for thousands of words without any consequences, I am going to subject you non-existent readers to an excruciating analysis of my fantasy fantasy team.

To begin with, some background on the fake league. 12 teams, standard 5x5 roto categories, 4 SPs, 4 RPs, one generic P spot, no bench. This is the team I assembled.

C Joe Mauer R5 P4
1B Lance Berkman R3 P4
1B Carlos Pena R6 P9
SS J.J. Hardy R14 P9
3B David Wright R1 P4
OF B.J. Upton R2 P9
OF Corey Hart R7 P4
OF Juan Pierre R12 P9
OF Josh Hamilton R18 P9
SP Erik Bedard R4 P9
SP Tim Lincecum R8 P9
SP Chad Billingsley R13 P4
SP Dustin McGowan R15 P4
SP Andy Pettitte R17 P4
RP Huston Street R9 P4
RP Manuel Corpas R10 P9
RP Carlos Marmol R11 P4
RP Rafael Betancourt R16 P9


As you can see simply by glancing at it, my fake fantasy team is awesome. But no, forcing you to glance at my team and admire its glory is not enough. I must take you through my selections and thoughts for said selections for each and every one of these contributors to my fake fantasy team (which is not only awesome by itself, but draws strength from being named Carl Weathers as well; I pondered naming them Chuck Norris' spawn, but that was a little too much power for them to handle.) Let's begin at the beginning, a very good place to start.

David Wright, 3B
As expected, A-Rod, Hanley Ramirez, and Jose Reyes went 1-2-3. Good work by the people in front of me sticking to the book and making the intelligent selections (sidenote: in the future I resolve to get a top three pick so I can get Ramirez or Reyes; I think the top three is the sweet spot this year because those two are so studly). I made my own by the book, obvious selection here. Wright's awesome, I love getting to pick him here, and I think there's actually another big dropoff after Wright, so maybe the fourth pick isn't so bad after all.

B.J. Upton, 2B
This was a much more difficult pick. Upton had a great year last year without playing full time, so if we could just extrapolate his numbers to 650 PA and upgrade them a tick due to him getting closer to his prime, he would be a great steal here. Unfortunately, he struck out a ton, requiring a .400 BABIP to sustain his .300 average. I don't think there's any way he hits .400 on balls in play again, so I'm expecting a .270 average, best case. He's still got some nice, developing power and great speed, so a 30-30 type year is quite possible. Johan Santana was inexplicably still available here, but I'm convinced I can build a great pitching staff with only midround picks, so I focused on hitting early.

Lance Berkman, OF
I am definitely expecting a bounce back year from Berkman, which will put him back up there with the mid second round power hitters. Upton and Wright both have speed, so I wanted mostly power here. Berkman has that and should hit for a good average. Peavy and Santana were finally taken before here; if either were still available I would have pounced.

Erik Bedard, SP
Bedard struck out an obscene amount of hitters last year, leading the league in K/9 by a sizeable margin. This huge K-rate leaves him only a little behind Santana and Peavy in my mind, with the upside to easily pass either one. It gives him the edge over Brandon Webb, who was taken with the next pick. Had Carlos Guillen, Derek Jeter, or Troy Tulowitzki (the second tier of shortstops) made it to me here, I would have considered taking one of them (in that order).

Joe Mauer, C
This is probably a pick I would like to have back. I really like McCann and Mauer at catcher in some rounds around here, and I think both of them are great candidates for rebound years. But in this draft, Jorge Posada wasn't picked until the end of the tenth round and offers close to the same production, and Geovany Soto wasn't taken until the fifteenth round. Soto hit .349/.418/.648 at AAA last year in close to a full season and then hit .389/.433/.667 in 60 major league PA (small sample size here obviously). So he's my sleeper du jour, and he and Posada offer much better value in their rounds than Mauer here. Oh well.

Carlos Pena, 1B
My team still could use some power, and Pena here supplies it, even though he probably won't hit 46 homers again. 35 with a .270ish batting average is all I'm looking for here. First base is actually something of a shallow position this year, so it's good to get a big bat like Pena there. Otherwise I'd be left hoping Kotchman develops some power this year, which is not a position I want to be in in a 12 team league. (Note: this is very different than being in a 20 team keeper league, where owning Kotchman is nothing to be ashamed of. Do you hear that, Filliam? You can walk with pride, even owning Kotchman.)

Corey Hart, OF
Have to give Emerson some props, here, he extolled Hart's virtues to me a long time ago and I blew him off. But he's definitely a very good fantasy player. Good work, Emerson. Hart went 20-20 this year while hitting .295. He's in a good Brewers offense, and barring injury he'll get more at bats this year than he did last. He has a good minor league track record. One possible cause for concern is his terrible strikeout to walk ratio (3-1 last year) being exploited by pitchers who have faced him more now.

Tim Lincecum, P
Tim Lincecum's arm is going to come flying off this season. He's a terrible injury risk. The Giants suck, he's never going to get any wins. Major league hitters are going to figure out his delivery and motion. If you pick Lincecum, he'll pollute your fantasy team with his bad attitude. In sum, avoid picking Lincecum at all costs. As Bill Simmons would say, let's just move on now.

Huston Street, P
Street is a very solid closer for the A's. He's got good strikeout and walk numbers, a low ERA, and as long as he's still on the A's, he'll have a solid number of save opportunities. He has some health concerns, but I think he's as good a bet as any random closer to stay healthy. Him getting traded to a team where he wouldn't be the closer is of concern, but Beane will probably look to maximize the return on Street. Maximum return would come from a contending team (lots of save opps) desperate for someone to close, which would be a situation better than or equal to Street's current one.

Manuel Corpas, P
Having four relief pitcher spots forces me to take another closer here. Corpas has great groundball ratios, which is important for success in Colorado. Seems solid enough to me.

Carlos Marmol, P
Marmol is being given the closer's job in Chicago through Dempster's switch back to starting. He had 96 K's in 69 innings last year. Enough said. (Except that, yeah, closers were going fast so I needed to draft another to be in good shape.)

Juan Pierre, OF
If Juan Pierre plays leftfield for the Dodgers next year, he'll probably be the worst everday player in baseball. I feel guilty that I'm supporting someone this terrible at real baseball by drafting him to my fantasy team. But Pierre stole 64 bases last year with a good batting average, and this is the twelfth round. At this point he's a steal (pun most definitely intended, as it always is with me). If I end up with Pierre on my real fantasy team, it'll give me a second reason to root for him playing everyday in left for the Dodgers. The first is that Juan Pierre is terrible and will kill the Dodgers out in left.


Chad Billingsley, P
Another hated Dodger on my squad. He really mows down the Padres, too. He's pitched 31 2/3 innings against them with 43 K's, limiting them to a .563 OPS. In the second half last year (as a starter) he had a 3.12 ERA with 83 k's in 92 1/3 innings.

J.J. Hardy, SS
I needed a shortstop and Hardy was the best available. I'm not really sold on the power development, but then, Hardy's ISO (SLG-avg) wasn't particularly out of line for his career. Maybe he'll lose some homers to doubles, and I wouldn't be surprised if his average fell some more, although his BABIP is low for his line drive rates. Expected BABIP is line drive% +.12, but Hardy's BABIP was .280 despite a 20% line drive rate. Plus, as Emerson has noted in the past, he doesn't really strike out all that often. So perhaps there is hope for him to keep hitting .270 yet.

Dustin McGowan, P
See the rationale for Lincecum. Nothing to see here, nothing at all.

Except I do feel like I should explain a little with McGowan. He's got really nasty stuff, an above average K-rate, and he has a great groundball percentage of 55%. More groundballs means less power for opposing batters and fewer home runs allowed.

All right, I suppose this post has dragged on long enough, and my final picks of Rafael Betancourt, Andy Pettitte, and Josh Hamilton were mostly filler. Betancourt is awesome (even if he's a steroids user, which he is, having been suspended for them earlier in his career) and Borowski is not, so it seems likely he'll become the closer at some point. Pettitte is solid, if unspectacular. And Hamilton has a lot of upside.

So that was my fantasy fantasy draft. It was a lot of fun and gave me a good hour of enjoyment, plus all this time I have spent recounting it you. It has been an oasis of baseball in the midst of the desert of the current sports scene, which does not have much baseball going on. Check out mockdraftcentral.com for these excellent fake drafts. Thanks to baseballmusings, baseball-reference, and firstinning for being so awesome with the baseball stats they have.

Basabol Been Berry, Berry, Good To Me, Hane

So as we roll into the 2008 Baseball season, I the resident Sage, decided to pull a Rabbit out of the hat and bring up Saturday Night Live. For you youngins, Garret Morris had a reoccurring character named: Chico Esquela (School Boy En Espanol). Said Character was a good natured muse to Jane Curtain (Hence the name Hane) during the Weekend News update portion of the show. The Baseball season cannot come fast enough for me. The sweet smell of freshly cut grass wafting up to the hot dog infested stands. Ahh yes! Baseball really does make glad the heart of childhood! Along with the start of the season some things to consider:

1 - The Cubs will not be eliminated, as this is "next year".

2- The Padres will have a host of retreads and AAAA players that somehow manage to win just enough games to tease their sushi eating, tattoo wearing, multi-pierced, beer slugging fans.

3- The Yankees and Red Sox will be over whelming favorites to "win it all". However the Yanks will some how choke! To the great joy of this commentator.

4- The Giants will have an average age of 350 years old. Their SS will have been in the cup room with Indiana Jones guarding the Holy Grail for some 305 of his 350 years.

5- My Dodgers will win it all to the great joy of the best voice in all broadcasting Vin "Vinny" Scully.

This post will continue at a later time. Now for the word of the day: Pontificate

Now friends guess the meaning! Hint The Pontiff is a big time guy with a big time hat!


http://snltranscripts.jt.org/78/78hupdate.phtml

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recurring_Saturday_Night_Live_characters_and_sketches_(listed_chronologically)

(Links to SNL Chico)

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

13 Years of Mostly Futility (but ultimately one beautiful victory) Condensed into one 60 minutes

It was 13 years between the Chargers' playoff victory over the Titans last Sunday and their prior postseason win, against the Steelers on Jan. 15, 1995. In that time, the Chargers have had 6 coaches and such luminaries as Craig Whelihan and Ryan Leaf as their starting quarterback. They experienced a glorious 1-15 season (but passed on drafting the dog killer with the first pick the next year, which really would have added to the ignominy). Another first overall pick refused to play for them, forcing them into a blockbuster deal that somehow still ended up as a great trade for them. And then the last four years, they have been pretty darn good. They're still getting bad breaks and choking, but at least a solid successful foundation has been laid. Maybe the playoff victory drought will only last one week. Maybe we can condense 13 years of wandering in the wilderness into one game, which will culminate in a victory. Here's what that game would look like.


Early in the game, the Chargers are shredded by an all-time great qb. They are bummed to be down Colt - 26, until they realize Colt isn't a point total like 49 is. Things continue poorly from their, until they are given second choice of whom to add to their team among anyone outside of the one particular playoff game. The Colts have first pick and add Manning (Eli), who played in college in the SEC. He's really awesome. The Chargers add Leaf (Brady), who played in college in the Pac-10. He's awful whenever he plays, is hated by teammates, and at halftime sneaks out to play flag football instead of joining in the team meeting in the locker room. Right before halftime, the Colts score 11 straight points and look like they're going to score 16 straight. However, kicker Nate Kaeding makes a 48 yard extra point to give the Chargers one point, but everyone in San Diego misses it when CBS cuts away from it to give a presidential election update. The Colts do go on to score the final 3 points before halftime.


Coming out of halftime, the Chargers still suck, so they're given a chance to add Darren McFadden to the team. They opt to keep running plays for Tomlinson instead. McFadden joins the Colts and is awesome for a few drives, but then kills a few of them with terrible turnovers. Ultimately, he's kicked out of the game for killing not drives but dogs. Still, the Chargers struggle, so they get to bring Eli Manning onto their team. Eli Manning refuses to join the Chargers, so instead the Chargers get to take Peyton Manning, Bob Sanders, and Adam Vinatieri. This seems to work out better for them than Eli would have. With Peyton Manning now on the team, Rivers suddenly starts playing much better and has a series of awesome drives. Unfortunately, Vinatieri misses a key field goal after one great drive, leading to great disappointment in San Diego. Another drive is sabotaged when the Chargers fumble several times and drop a couple of passes. On their next drive, the Colts luckily recover two fumbles and get the ball back when Marlon McCree fumbles an interception. It allows them to score a touchdown, prompting more stories on how their QB is a clutch god, even though THE CHARGERS GAVE HIM THE GAME!!!!!1ONE!1SINPI/2!1, er, I mean, drive, they gave him the drive.

At the end of the game, the Chargers have the ball on their own 20 with little time left, down 6 points. After three Tomlinson runs for -6 total yards, Rivers converts on fourth down with a long pass to Jackson. After another long completion to Chambers, Rivers hits Jackson for a 30 yard touchdown pass to ultimately win the playoff game.

Unfortunately, the victory means Norv Turner will keep his job.

My First Post

As the resident sage on this blog, I must be "the sane one". Dignity and grace shall be my hallmarks. Kindness and joy my credo! That being said, has ANYONE heard the joke of a phone call made by Clemens to his "connection"? I listened for about 10 minutes this AM. My skull reverberated with confusion and bewilderment.Can anyone say Chicken! Thats what Clemens is. An out and out Chicken and traitor to his peeps. McNamee's son is on deaths door and Clemens is worried about his next $200,000,000 paycheck, and his fragile reputation. PLEASE!!!! This exemplifies what is wrong with professional sports today. Well enough said about the empty shell.....umm....Rocket.....

As an ongoing feature I will supply a vocabulary word (or phrase) with each post. Said word may be in the dictionary or made up out of my abundance of Grey Matter.


Said word for today is: Plethora! Now kids, feel free to post your opinion on the meaning of this useful vocabulary word.


Hint: Clemens has a ______ of Money! Perhaps Plethora fits in the blank.

Monday, January 7, 2008

San Diego SUPER Chargers

First of all, I would like to formally announce my presence as a contributor to "Hot Ham Water," I am Ian Miller, and as my esteemed colleague Carl so eloquently opined, I am indeed generally a fan of Los Angeles based sports teams. However, as a mostly fair weather Chargers fan (and anti-Norv zealot), I was, of course, extremely interested in today's playoff game between our beloved Bolts and those heathens from Nashville. After a brief, and mostly useless jaunt to Lampost Pizza in Vista, we settled in at home to enjoy the majesty of Norv Turner's face in hi-def. I must admit, when I saw Gates go down, I was immediately worried that the Chargers would once again suffer a crushing playoff loss, as they have done ever since the 1994 season. Our hero, LaDanian Tomlinson was ineffective, and putting our hopes on the broad shoulders of Philip Rivers had not worked out too well throughout the season. That made it all the more impressive when the Chargers showed a smattering of resiliency after the loss of their second best offensive option. The combination of the offensive inconsistency in the first half, the loss of Gates, and the generally mediocre play of Rivers throughout the year, led me to believe that the Titans had legitimate hopes to win a game they should have had no chance in. It was to my surprise then that Rivers stepped up to the plate, made some quality throws, no major mistakes (the interception wasn't really his fault) and, in the words of every sportswriter ever, managed the game well. While Rivers was impressive, the most encouraging aspect of today's game was the excellent play of Vincent Jackson and Chris Chambers. Today showed the Chargers have the talent to win games when LT and Gates are almost completely non-factors. Jackson seemed to be open consistently, and made a nice move on his touchdown catch. Chambers found some holes in the defense, and though the Rivers interception was mostly his fault, was a major part of the Charger offense. Hopefully Gates will be able to play against the Colts on Sunday, but if he can't, the Bolts might need another good showing by the wide receivers to be competitive. 

One cannot discuss today's rain-soaked competition without mentioning the "opportunistic" San Diego defense. One fumble caused by the incomparable Shawne Merriman, another interception and three sacks not only helped my playoff league fantasy football team, but was a major contributor to the Chargers victory. It's unlikely they will be able to repeat their regular season six interception performance against the Colts, but the combination of pressure and good coverage down field should be enough to give them a chance. Oh who am I kidding, they need to play one of their best games of the season to beat Peyton "You Feel Me" Manning. 

Well, since I have this public forum in which to broadcast my expertly qualified views, I might as well take advantage of it. So here's my predictions for the 2nd round of the NFL Playoffs...

Seattle Seahawks 17 Green Bay Packers 24
N.Y. Giants 20 Dallas Cowboys 34

Jacksonville Jaguars 21 New England Patriots 38
San Diego Chargers 20 Indianapolis Colts 24

And in closing, here's tonight's random Emerson Boozer factoid: Instead of attending the University of Maryland at College Park, what most of us know as the University of Maryland, he was on the football team at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore, in Princess Anne, Maryland. Way to be different, Emerson.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Smackdown

Folks, I am a scant two hours into this whole blogging thing, and already I am engaging in the time honored blog pastime of calling out writers for their inaccurate and imprecise language. Unfortunately, the writer I am calling out is myself. In my previous post I called my second round pick of Matt Holliday a sleeper. This is a barefaced lie. By definition, a legitimate second round pick, which Holliday was last year, is not a sleeper. The author responsible for this disgraceful abuse of the beautiful and sacred English language deserves to hang from the yardarms before being drawn and quartered. I apologize profusely for my monumental lapse in judgment. An example of a real sleeper I picked last year was Tom Gorzelanny, who offered a fine return on the 256th pick of the draft I utilized on him (while lying on a hospital bed recuperating from appendicitis - but that's a story for my other blog on intestinal medical problems "smack of ham in digestive organs"), or Jose Valverde, whom I claimed off of the free agent list before the start of the season.

And to conclude, the first in a sporadic series of factoids dedicated to Emerson Boozer. Today's fun fact about the predecessor to today's notable Boozers (Carlos, and um, well mainly just Carlos of the Utah Jazz):
in 1967 with the New York Jets, Emerson led the league in rushing/receiving touchdowns with 14 despite only getting 131 touches.

Find out more about Emerson Boozer here.

Obligatory Intro Post

Hello and welcome to Hot Ham Water: Water with a Smack of Ham. As the title, subclause following the main title, the website address, my posting name, and most likely plenty of references to follow indicate, we're big fans of Arrested Development around here. However, this has almost no relevance to the general topics that will be presumably rambled upon on the pages of this here blog. This here blog is a sports blog, primarily. I personally am a huge fan of the San Diego pro sports teams, namely the Friars and Bolts. My partner in posting is a huge fan of Los Angeles sports teams, primarily the Dodgers and the men of Bruin but not so much the men of Troy, and also somewhat the Lakers. Being a nomadic fellow, in his traversings of the globe (mainly attending school at ASU), he has also picked up an affinity for the Sun Devils and Cardinals of Arizona. He tolerates and roots for the Chargers as his football team, but the Padres will always be the inferior, annoying little brother to the south of the Dodgers to him.

So that is us. I personally am looking forward to having a place to ramble endlessly about my favorite teams. So expect Padre and Charger posts aplenty from me (assuming I actually have some dedication and stick with this blog - which I am, because we're making this thing huge!!one!, and using it to take over the world: that's our motto, world domination one seemingly innocuous sports post and really long run-on sentence at a time). We are also big fantasy ballers (or something like that, maybe not quite as gangster sounding as ballers), playing football and baseball. We engage in epic battles when we matchup in either sport; these will quite likely be recounted to you the anonymous reader in a future post. But fantasy baseball and football will be discussed here, however, certainly not in a way that will leave you under the impression that we are anything close to professionals or skilled in these games. Our credentials for these discussions are a second place finish in fantasy football this year (by me, carl weathers) and a third place finish (by Ian) in baseball two years ago, where only a -10 start by the infamous Tim (or was it Tom) Corcoran in the semifinals stood between him and the championship. But I did pick Matt Holliday last year with the 32nd pick, so I have a keen eye for sleepers.

I believe that about wraps up the obligatory introductory post. Please keep coming back, and maybe give the ads a couple of hundred clicks while you are here. Remember, our writing may seem like the generic terrible sportswriting you are used to, like bland hot water if you will. Every once in a while, though, you will come across some phenomenal analogy, metaphor, or particularly inspired advice or analysis, and that will be that smack of ham in that hot water that we guarantee*. Or it might just be Buster's thumb. Don't choke on it like the racist old lady did.


*Offer only good in Alaska.